Growing Pains

I don’t know about ya’ll but getting to big 30, I feel like there have been many transitions for me in my life. I am not even talking about my weight loss or my engagement. I am thinking about the heart work and personal development that I have been literally slapped with. 

At first, I thought I was in control of all these changes in my life. Nope. God has a funny way of taking the wheel to make necessary changes in your life. Just when you think you are doing all these remarkable changes in your life, God hits you with this sense of clarity. 

When you are uncomfortable, you grow

Clarity is a good thing, but lately, these growing pains have been painful as hell! As I have mentioned before, I am conflict-avoidant. New situations in my life force me to step out of my old ways and speak up for myself. There are things that I notice about myself and others, and  I can no longer shake off. And man, that shit hurts. Because that means I am ending certain parts of my life.

I just keep seeing more and more changes happening or set to happen in my life, and I am not sure I will keep track of them. My anxiety has been trying to fight these changes as a defense mechanism. My anxiety does not like to be pushed out of my comfort zone. 

But a wise once said to me, “When you are uncomfortable, you grow.” 

That is so damn true. You’re never going to be ready for all the changes in your life, and seeing those changes manifest is like going to a bunch of mini funerals. It’s like you are burying old significant parts of your life. As you morn one aspect of your life, here comes a new situation or a new sense of clarity that makes you transition to another part of your life. 

I am open to embracing all changes that happen, but dang, I didn’t know it hit different like this! Y’all, 30-year-old people ain’t tell me it was going to be like this!!!! As my health, personal life, friendships, mindset, career, and personal goals start to shift, I feel like I am just trying to find my footing.

If you are also having growing pains, let’s talk about them. I know they are challenging to go through but remember that growth is on the other side of that pain.

Road to 100


Cheers to me! I am so happy that I did it. VSG has turned my life around. But most of all I am proud of my willpower. The sleeve only works as hard as you work. And let me tell you, I worked my ASS off. I workout 5 times a week, eat as clean as possible, and get my proteins in daily.

This road has been tough but way more rewarding. I am so proud of my body. I have pushed my body to do workouts that I never thought of in my wildest dreams. When I first started working out I couldn’t even jump to the floor to do a burpee. Now, I can do a good 5 in a row without stopping. (That doesn’t sound like much but it’s a lot of progress for me) I can do a plank for more than a minute. I used to not even be able to do it for more than 10 seconds. I am so proud of the work that I accomplished.

100 lbs. WOW! I Can’t even fathom! The hard work that I did was not alone. I had friends and family pushing me to keep going. I felt so motivated and empowered by everyone’s kind words and well wishes. And to all that helped support me THANK YOU!

VSG Before & After Wear the same set

What is most important is continuing the path of trying to have healthy relationships with food and wellness. Exercising puts me in higher spirits. Eating better has helped my headaches. I am more alert and confident because I can get more done.

Though I loved my old body and acknowledge how much I appreciate it, I still understand that I was not at my best at that time. I am still not at my best. I am constantly working on the outside and the inside to elevate into the woman God meant for me to be in this season of my life.

To celebrate my 100 lbs weight loss I will be doing a giveaway. I will be giving away a water bottle and booty bands from Please look out for a later blogpost for more information!

I Am Not Your Secret

“You’re my little secret, and that’s how we should keep it.” How about, NO! 

While I love X-scape and the song, I am not feeling that message in real life. I do not think relationships or situationships should be put in secret. We can have a level of privacy, which is fine, but as someone who was only good enough to be a man’s secret, you learn that you need more respect than that.

This was a trend in past romantic relationships for me. I thought it was okay, but I realized I was shrinking in the process. From high school into my early twenties, guys I talked to never saw me as someone that they could see walking with hand in hand. I always thought it was because of that whole quote, “what is understood does not need to be explained… WRONG”

I always wondered why it wouldn’t happen for me. Why was I good enough to spend time with you when no one was around? I knew part of it was because of my size. A bigger girl was never seen as someone who wasn’t “desirable enough” to date. On top of that, a girl with my goofy personality, (which I now OWN), was not seen as “girlfriend material”. 

I never spoke up and asked questions about where I stood in a relationship out of fear. I was so afraid to ask the truth or to give an ultimatum. All the while, I was hurting inside. I was fighting back my feelings and needs from my so-called partners. I knew that I did not want to be in love alone. I wanted so desperately for the guy to want me as I wanted them. Secret or not. 

Things changed once I started to tap into my dopeness. Everyone got a lil dopeness in them, we just sometimes are scared to let it shine. We tend to shrink ourselves for others to shine, fear of being judged. Once I started to see how great I was (still am) I got to the point that if a man couldn’t see how valuable I was THEY DIDN’T DESERVE MY PRESENCE. This meant in public and behind closed doors. 

I started to expect more and use my words. I was no longer afraid of their response because I knew I would be fine if I walked away. I knew I would find better and I needed to save my energy and time for a man who would love all parts of my being and want to share who I am with others. 

In my current relationship with my fiancé, I am more vocal. This came with growth, comfortability, and communication. I shared my past and reservations about starting new in a relationship. As time went on in our relationship his consistency and reassurance made me feel more secure in our relationship. His embracing all parts of me is far better than any public display of affection online. 

I wasn’t asking to be posted all day on IG. I just an acknowledgment of my dopeness. Keeping a relationship in private is fine, however, there is a difference between privacy for protection and privacy for shame. 

And on that note… imma let that marinate.

Rachiie… SPEAK!

The mission for my blog is to give a voice to the voiceless. I found it vital for me to make a platform for women like me who had problems using their voices to speak their truth. Now seven months after starting this blog, I have learned that I have ways to go. I still have trouble asserting myself and telling people how I feel. 

We do not want to use our voices for fear of rejection or causing more problems. But as a 30-year-old woman, I am now starting to realize that there is value in my voice, and it is okay if people disagree. I always would bite my tongue because I would worry about how others would feel or how I would be perceived. Sometimes I felt like avoiding an argument made more sense than being combative. 

What happens when you speak? 

I often play out in my mind what happens if I just say how I feel. Through therapy (and this blog), I have learned that I like to sort out my feelings through writing. If I need to unpack some things, I write. Sometimes the words don’t come out as naturally speaking overwriting with pen and paper. I tend to filter on something if I just talk naturally because my brain tells me to sugar coat things to avoid any problems. 

Not speaking ends up hurting me in the process. When there are times I let things left unsaid or questions unanswered, my thoughts run wild. I makeup perceptions that may or may not be accurate. 

What happens when you speak?

When I speak, I feel freer. When I tell people how I think, we have an opportunity to talk things out. I can’t control how someone feels when I speak my truth, but I can say my piece and feel better that I said something. 

On this journey to be a better version of myself. I find little moments to speak my truth. Whether it be at work, in my relationships, or even this blog. There is value in what I have to say. And there is value in your experiences as well. Let’s learn to speak together! 

Stop Degree Shaming!

It is graduation time! It’s the time of the year when scholars are excited to celebrate their accomplishments. However, I feel like each time during this year I see the same thing that infuriates me. This is the time when you hear people reposting their old college pics saying “College didn’t teach me anything, a degree will not save you”. 


Is college or getting a degree for everyone? Absolutely, not! But do people benefit from a degree? Absolutely! It all goes down to this, not everyone will have the same path to success. Your path will be different from my path. You do not need to go around telling people that their investment in their education was a waste. Do not impose your own personal experiences on someone else because you have no clue what their end result will be.

Think about it like this. People go to university to be teachers, nurses, lawyers, engineers, etc. They learn skills and tools to keep them current and understand common trends in their field. Youtube University can get you far but it will not teach you how to perform heart surgery. 

When I got my Bachelors at LIU Brooklyn

College also teaches you how to network. This is also one of those big debates. You often hear people complain about the fact that they did not get or find any meaningful connections during college. That they did not make any valuable networks. It all depends on what you do with your network. Either if you are in college or not, if you are not utilizing the people in your network wisely, you will always fail. If you are not creating meaningful exchanges or connections that benefit both parties it will not build any significant connections. People will not just see your value or talents, you have to share them with others and learn from those around you.  Colleges and universities have this platform but it is ultimately up to you to make it meaningful. 

Let’s be clear you can create community anywhere. But try and make sure wherever you are building your network that you also make it a mutual benefit for all involved. As you help others people should be helping you. It is not just what someone can do for you. 

When I received my Masters at Stony Brook University

On top of that, if you were in college and say you didn’t utilize your networks, did you go to any events from your career center? Did you know that as an alumnus you in most cases still have access to those services? Use them, because it is not a waste of money, these groups were created to help you longggg after you graduate honey! Do your diligence and reach out to your alma mater and see what services they have for you as an alumnus. 

As a student affairs professional, this truly bugs me because I end up every year with students at my desk telling me their fears of graduating because of all the negative connotations they see or hear about life after college. It is unfair to impose your feelings of self-doubt onto these newly graduated minds. 

This message is for the Class of 2021. Congrats! You did it! Do not let people dim your light or your accomplishment. Block them out! You have struggled long nights and early mornings to get your cap and gown. You have done the work and no one can take that away from you. Do not let the bitterness of others cloud that happiness. Shine your light graduate, wave that degree in the air like you just don’t care! Your future is bright and you are in control of your destiny.

Thank God For Therapy

It’s Mental Health Awareness Month, so let’s talk about therapy! There’s something about therapy that gives you clarity and understanding of who you are and how you react to others. I did not know how much I needed therapy until I started. I couldn’t wait to start. I decided to go about two years ago, and it took me the entire two years to actually find the best therapist for me.

If you think it is easy to get a therapist, it is not. You need to find someone you have a good rapport with and, most importantly, take your insurance. At first, I would see people that I vibe with and thought I could start my process with. But then they were either out of network or not taking additional clients.

You glow different when you’re in therapy

How did I find my therapist? Easy! This is a site and a podcast. For a while, I used to listen to the podcast that Therapy for Black Girls hosts. Through listening to stories and putting pieces together about my own mental health, I realized the importance of getting a therapist. I realized I can not take on this load alone that I needed someone to help me sort things out for me. It was then I decided to be serious about seeking counsel. Once I got my new job, I searched for a therapist in my area via

I found four therapists, and at first, I thought I would never get someone because people were either not accepting new clients or did not respond. But a week and a half later, I finally got a call! I finally got a therapist! I told my best friend and Fiancé because they knew how long I was looking for a good therapist.

Zen out!

I came into therapy guns blazing. I knew with my issues with anxiety that I needed additional support. I knew that I needed to make changes to be a better me. I always had so many things I need to unpack to help me elevate into my new chapter of womanhood. I am passionate about doing the work to be a better me, and I am so proud of myself. Therapy is not easy because a lot of truths come out. But you owe it to yourself to take care of your mental health. As I workout almost every day, I have also noticed that working on my inside and mental health has been essential in my new chapter. It’s all about that mind, body, and soul at big 30 babyyyy!

I urge you all to do the work not for others but for yourself. Therapy can genuinely change your mindset on things. The process might belong to find a therapist, but it is always worth it!

Killer Cravings

I said it before, and I’ll repeat it. This health journey is not easy. I love hazelnut chocolate (specifically Lindt’s). I love donuts, especially when they are from a nice gourmet donut shop. I love to eat Thai food takeout. And it’s not just a little Thai food I take out. I like to get ALL THE THAI FOOD! So yummy. All of this is making me hungry so let me get to my point. I enjoy food, and it has been tough to change my lifestyle completely. 

Of course, my weight loss program through VSG was super helpful, but I still have anxiety about eating the wrong things or going back to my old habits. I have learned to have food in moderation, yet, when my family brings some sweets into the house, my mouth starts to water. I then find myself in dialogue in my head, trying to convince my brain and tummy that I do not need the junk! 

Knowing better doesn’t always mean doing better. I know something is bad for me, but if it looks and smells good, I want it. I have now had a cheat schedule and a cheat level. I give myself one cheat meal a week, with levels to it. 

Low Cheat:  A low cheat is if I make a healthy alternative to what I want. That would be a healthy version of Thai food or Sushi at the Thai Restuaraunt. I will get a Thai Chili Salmon with veggies, no rice. I still get that sweet sauce on my food, but I am eating a fish high in protein. I also balanced it out with steamed veggies. When I get sushi, I have the Naratu roll. This is a fancy way of saying the sushi is wrapped in cucumber. I will also get a side of edamame with no salt. Edamame is high in fiber, antioxidants, and Vitamin K. They are also a good source of protein.

Mid-Cheat: Mid-Cheats are for my fast food times! I will get a burger from Five Guys or Shake Shake and have no bun! Ain’t nothing like a little lettuce wrap to get you to curb that craving. You’re probably noticing a trend. No bun, no rice. I do my best to make sure I do not have too many carbs during a cheat. I am not keto. It is just how I choose to eat. Carbs have never gone well with my stomach, even before the surgery. 

High Sweet Cheat: Chocolate! High Sweet cheats mean I get to eat my beloved chocolate. I will have my Lindt’s Hazelnut Chocolate or specialty donut. These cheats are when I am rewarding myself for completing a big goal that I have sought out to do!

I am 5 lbs away from 100 lbs total weight loss! I hope I can make it and don’t get distracted along the way! Right now, I am eating for the body I want not the body I have.

Get the Strap! SheFit Bra Review

When I started working out, guess what the hardest thing to figure out was. Yep, that’s right, SPORTS BRAS. When you have a smaller chest, you don’t have to think about how bulletproof your bra is. But for us bigger chested girls, it is a struggggleeee to find the right sports bra, and sometimes we still have to double bra it! 

She fit bra in left hand picture

For years, I would wear two bras and a tight shirt over it so nothing would fall out. The tight shirts were to make sure I didn’t have any accidents in the gym. It is also very painful when the girls move around a lot, especially during a high-impact cardio workout. 

Shefit bra (retrieved from

I tried a lot of different bras, and nothing worked. It wasn’t until I kept seeing this Instagram ad about the SHEFIT bra. The ad has these women doing hardcore exercises and then adjusting the bra with the velcro straps. STRAPS?!. Adjustments??? I NEED! 

Of course, like many other people who get distracted by IG ads, I clicked to find out more about it. I started looking at how excellent the bras are and how they are adjustable. Then I realized… OH, 65 BUCKS! Hell Nah to the Nah Nah. 

So for a year and a half, I gave up the dream of having a perfect sports bra and continued on my double bra regiment for workouts. Remember, this time, my workouts were few and far between, so it didn’t bother me too much. 

After taking workouts seriously, a year later, I knew I needed something of more quality. After all, I was working out every day. So I circled back to SHEFIT Bra. and when I tell you, GIRL, I sat on that page for like an hour convincing my cheap ass to buy it. You know you CHEAP when you have to give yourself a pep talk to purchase something. Remember y’all; I don’t have a job at the moment.  I AM BROKE BABYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

After an hour, I bit the bullet and got the bra, but I used Afterpay! I wasn’t willing to see all that money come out all at once, haha! 

Now, when I got the bra, it felt like a dream. I opened the packaging, and I swear I heard the angels singing a song to me. 

Praise the LORD! The bra felt so good on! I don’t shake too much. Gone are the days when I have to wear two bras (except for the laundry day). The bra feels nice; you can tailor your fit with the velcro straps on the shoulders and the strap around your rib cage. 

It fits as snug or loose as you want it to be. 

Another thing I noticed was the hooks before you zip the front of the bra. These hooks also help keep “the girls” in place! When I tell you you are strapped in, you are strapped in!

You have to try it! Now I am not saying to spend all your little coin on this if you can’t do it, girl, don’t. (they got Afterpay thoughhhhhhhhh) But these are the ONLY sports bras that have worked for me. If you do have any good big boob-friendly sports bras, let me know. 

Sidebar Glamourise bras did not work for your girl. They were garbage! That’s my own opinion, though.

Lage On Ti Kompa! (Release a little Kompa!)

It’s May y’all! So that means it’s Haitian Heritage Month. You know I got to leave you with that good nolatsgic Kompa music. These are some songs my family and I really love. These are the songs I used to dance around with my Haitian friends with in college! I hope you enjoy these amazing songs from a more amazing country. Happy Haitian Hertiage Month to all my Haitians!

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