This is Why I Can’t Have Nice Things.

Are you a person who can’t receive compliments? Well, that’s me AF!

People at times perceive me as humble, but it is honestly a defense mechanism. Compliments have always been cringy to me because I am tough on myself. It is hard to accept praise when I do not believe it entirely.

For the past month, my therapist and I have uncovered that I live with the notion that I do not welcome the good in life because I am so used to expecting chaos and pain. For some strange reason, I equate talking about my wins as being too braggy. I use the words “I feel bad” “I don’t wanna do too much.” But, girl, why can’t you be happy for yourself?

Last month, I went wedding dress shopping. It took me a while to get into the moment because I didn’t want to look like I was “that Bride”. But in all actuality, I am so happy and excited about my wedding. I tried to hide my joy because I don’t want to think I’m doing the most.

I am accepting the good things in my life because at one time they were the things I hoped for.

I also psych myself out of my weight loss accomplishments. People will say to me, “You look so good,” “I am proud of you,” “You are so inspiring.”

All I can respond with is, “Oh, I didn’t notice”… Why is that my response?

Why do I think my happiness will affect people negatively? It is not my happiness that will affect people. It is how I share my joy in actuality. I need to keep remembering that using my voice also means sharing my wins. God uses all of us as vessels to share and inspire. I need to continue to keep sharing in positive ways. It is not bragging to share. It isn’t bragging about taking a compliment when someone offers one.

I need to continue to be bold in this world. Part of finding my voice is having confidence in who I am and the woman that I am becoming. I am growing and evolving and it is fine to shine as bright as I want to. I used to think I took too much space in this world. I thought I was too loud, too enthusiastic, too happy, but this is who I am. I am no longer going to stifle myself to make others feel better. I was created to be a positive energy in this world. I am accepting the good things in my life because at one time they were the things I hoped for.

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