Y’all remember AIM, right? Remember running home after school to use the computer to talk to them all night. Oh, just me? Well, that was my life. But sometimes those conversations went left for me.
One night I was on AIM with my high school crush. We were chatting casually, but of course, I thought it was more. I was swooning over every word he said, laughing at his jokes. I was grinning in front of the computer screen. I wasn’t entirely sure if he liked me yet. But, TONIGHT was the NIGHT that I was going to ask him if he liked me. And this is how the conversation went.
Me: lol, I have a question lol
I always put a bunch of lol’s to sound cute or to sound less threatening. Shame shameeeee!
Him: Yea wud up
Me: So I got a lil crush on u. Do u like me?
Him: Honestly ur cool n everything but i don like u like dat
Me: Y not, wat dont u like about me?
Him: Your hair…
Me: What about it
Him: You always put it up. It makes your head look weird
Me: Really? Its just my hair
Him: nah theres other things
Me: Like wat
Him: your thicc and all that but you got a big tummy
You would think that I would end the conversation then and there. But no, I continued to talk to him into the night, and I continued to like. Not only did I continue to like him, but I also made changes for him. CRAZY, right? Every day for a month or two, I would do 50 crunches after school. (so sad). I also even got my hair done more often to leave it down as much as possible and not have it in a ponytail.
It is crazy what my younger self would do for a guy to like her. I needed to love myself more than I wanted to be with him, but I wouldn’t listen. I wouldn’t speak up for myself. I let so much disrespect from him and other relationships after that.
You would be pretty if…
You’re thick, but…
You know what you should do…
If someone can’t love you in all your essence, they do not deserve you. They do not deserve to take part in the parts that they like about you. It’s okay if you’re not enough for him; what matters if you’re enough for you. I needed to work on myself and tell him where to shove it.
The moral of the story is don’t change. You’re beautiful! On top of that, do not change yourself for someone to want you more. When I was younger, I did the complete opposite. I had to learn to love myself for who I was and what I brought to the table.
Yes, I am loud! Yes, I am a goofball! Yes, I have a peanut head! And I love all those parts of me. I also love my little tummy. Someone will love you for who you are and I am so glad I found that. But before I found it in partnership I found love and acceptance in myself.
Do you have a similar story? Let’s talk about it!